3 Simple Steps to a Better Logline

As head judge of the LA Screenwriter Logline Competition, I read a lot of loglines. Like, a LOT a lot. And I always come across the same problems. There are the loglines that are way too long, the loglines with typos (it’s just one sentence, people – proofread it), the loglines that sound exactly like a movie or TV show I’ve already seen… But the most frustrating loglines are the ones with no specificity.

A man must find his wife’s killer before it’s too late.

A young woman looks for love in all the wrong places before realizing that her soulmate was right in front of her all along.

When aliens attack, we must find a way to defeat them before they enslave the whole planet.

Ok, those are a bit exaggerated, but only a bit. Hopefully you all see the problems with each of these loglines. These stories are completely generic. I know nothing substantial about any of these main characters, their world, what they’re up against, or what they’re going to do about it.

I think the big problem is that many writers face the challenge of condensing their brilliant script down to one sentence, and it feels impossible. There’s no way to get any real level of plot detail into just one sentence, right?

[What’s so important about loglines, you ask? Read 7 Ways to Put Your Logline to Work to find out.]

It is certainly challenging getting down to the heart of your idea, but that’s your job as a writer. You have to be able to show – in just one sentence – that your idea has a clear main character, a clear challenge, and clear stakes. Because if you can’t, that almost certainly means that your script isn’t at a professional level.

The whole point of a logline is to get the person who reads it or hears it to want to read your script. How do you do that? Here is a simple, three-step process:

(Read all the way to the end for examples of exceptional loglines!)

STEP 1: Highlight your main character.

Some of the loglines I review don’t mention the main character at all. Sci-fis are the biggest offender. Take a look at that third bad example above. Is the movie about the whole planet? How is that story going to work?

Make sure your main character is easily identifiable. The simplest way to do this is to start the logline with the character (i.e. When a maniacal carpenter…), but that’s not always vital. With horrors, for example, it can be a lot more interesting to start things off with the antagonist.

Then make sure that you’re giving the reader a clear picture of your lead. Instead of referring to them as “man” or “woman,” refer to them by their profession or by a defining characteristic. Precede that with one perfectly chosen adjective. This isn’t always necessary, but it’s a good place to start. Show just how creative and well thought-out your characters are by being specific.

An impotent playboy, a conniving dancer, an alcoholic kindergarten teacher… these are all characters that a reader can picture in a movie.

STEP 2: Highlight the action.

Plot is action. If you don’t have any action in your logline, you don’t have any plot in your logline. Quite often I’ll review loglines that read something like this:

A man unexpectedly inherits three million dollars from the father he never knew.

A beat cop on the streets of Chicago discovers that her partner is selling guns to the city’s most violent gangs.

Those are pretty interesting situations, but they aren’t plots. All that these loglines gets across is the catalyst, and the catalyst is not the plot. We need to know what action these main characters are going to take in reaction to the catalyst. That’s the plot.

Now, there are rare circumstances where you can have a great logline without your main character taking any real action. This is sometimes the case with horrors. In horrors, it’s often implied that the main character’s primary action is trying to survive. Horror loglines are often fleshed out by the action of the antagonist rather than the protagonist.

But in 95% of cases, you need to be explicit and specific about the action. If the reader can guess what your character will do in a given situation without you telling them, that almost always means that your story is generic and boring.

Steer clear of internal development and general goals. Yes, your character needs an internal journey for the sake of your screenplay, but not for the sake of your logline. Loglines are about external actions that imply internal change. They are about a specific character on a specific quest. Don’t bore the reader with generalities.

STEP 3: Get to the point.

I have found that the ideal length for a logline is between 30-35 words. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s enough space to get across all of the most important elements and make a strong impression. If your logline is much shorter, it’s probably not detailed enough. If it’s much longer, you’re either being wordy, including details that aren’t vitally important, or your idea isn’t high concept.

So there you have it. Establish the main character, describe their primary action, and make it snappy. That will give you a solid first draft of your logline that is specific. From there, you’ll want to make sure the stakes are high, the setting is clear, the sentence structure is sound, etc. etc.

But this is a good place to start.

My Logline Is Flawless – Now What?

If you want to test out your logline (and possibly win some great prizes), enter our monthly Logline Competition. I’ll rate your logline in six categories and give advice on how you can improve it.

[Note: for the May Logline Competition, we have a special drawing. Ten entrants will win either one of five free entries to the Big Break Screenwriting Contest or one of five free copies of Final Draft 9. Every entry is another chance to win! Enter by 5/25/16]

Or, if you need direct feedback on your logline so it’s the best it can possibly be for pitch meetings (I’m looking at you ScriptFest attendees), consider our Logline Polish service. With this option, I will personally help you rewrite your logline and work with you to get it to a professional level.

Speaking of ScriptFest, I will be in attendance along with the incomparable John Bucher. Together, we will be on a panel about (you guessed it) loglines. I hope to see many of you there. Get 10% off your pass with code LASW10.

4 Amazing Loglines to Emulate

As promised, here are four of my absolute favorite loglines from the LA Screenwriter Logline Competition. Take note of just how much story these writers pack into so little space. Notice the language that’s distinctive and on-tone, yet not jarring or distracting. And note how each of these ideas feels fresh, commercial, and entertaining.

No More Heroes (comedy): In a desperate attempt to win the love of an alluring female supervillain, a lowly henchman sneaks into the annual Cape Convention to vaporize her egotistical superhero ex-boyfriend. –Lawrson Pinson, Finalist, December 2015

Make Easy Money From Home (half-hour pilot): An unemployable college dropout writes a weekly blog on get-rich-quick schemes, drawing inspiration from her misfit friends who will do anything for money (except work). –Jennifer Krukowski, Winner, June 2015

The Eye of Owuo (horror): A desperate mother uses ancient African magic to resurrect her daughter, then realizes that the price for keeping her daughter alive entails taking the lives of others. –Martin Reese, Winner, March 2016

The Muffin Men (comedy): After their struggling breakfast-delivery startup rolls out a sensual “secret menu” for eccentric housewives, four hapless guys scramble to save their suddenly booming business from a puritanical HOA. –Laura Garrison, Winner, April 2015

The 6 Most Common Logline Mistakes

by Angela Bourassa

We’re in the midst of our fourth monthly Logline Competition, and I feel like I’ve already seen just about every type of logline imaginable. There have been some amazing submissions – high concept ideas presented with clear sentence structure and compelling language – but there have been a lot more submissions riddled with common logline mistakes.

I serve as the judge of the competition, so I’ve read every single logline that’s come in and provided every person with feedback. What has amazed me so far is how often I find myself giving the same advice.

In the hope of nipping these problems in the bud, I’d like to lay out the six most common logline mistakes. Some of these are broad and some are nitty-gritty, but all are important. In no particular order, they are:

1. Naming your characters.

Do not name your main character or any other characters in your logline. Names are useless information. They don’t reveal anything about your characters. You only have a few words to tell the reader who your character is, so don’t waste any time on names. Instead, come up with a brief, telling description of your character.

The only exception to this rule is if your script is about a real person. If you’re writing a movie about George Washington, then you can say that directly.

2. Only getting across the setup.

In a perfect world, your logline would get across a sense of your entire script. In practice, it should cover up to the midpoint at the very least. If your logline only gets across the first ten to fifteen pages of your script, you’re in trouble. A character and a catalyst are not a movie, therefore they are not enough for a logline. You need to tell the reader what happens next.

3. Not giving your main character anything to do.

This is a big one. Probably the biggest one. And it goes hand in hand with the previous problem. If you’ve only included the setup of your story in your logline, then you haven’t told us what action your main character takes, and that action should make up the meat of your script.

So the agent got double-crossed by his partner… What’s he going to do about it?

In terms of grammar, your logline should primarily use the active voice, not the passive. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, check out this overview of active versus passive voice, because this is an extremely important concept not just for your logline, but for your script (and really all writing).

Basically, you don’t want your character simply to be acted on (e.g. “the agent is kidnapped”) but to take action him or herself (e.g. “the agent kidnaps”). The quick and easy test for this is to look for every place in your logline where you use the words “is” and “are.” Wherever you can, get these words out of your logline.

4. Being too vague.

This one is a doozy. It manifests in a few different ways. Sometimes I read loglines that have all of the elements that they’re supposed to – setting, character, catalyst, action, and consequence – but these elements are so vaguely defined that I still don’t have any idea what the story is about.

For example, “When his enemy kidnaps his daughter, a man must search the globe to find his daughter before she’s killed.” All of the elements are in place, but this is a pretty terrible logline. We don’t know anything about the main character or his enemy or the daughter or really anything specific about the action of the story. This is the skeleton of a logline. Without fleshing it out, it has no real value.

The other big problem I see is writers creating detailed character descriptions and setups, then closing out the logline with an incredibly vague overview of the plot.

For example, “An eccentric young scientist falls in love with his creation, an artificially intelligent droid, but various twists and turns keep them apart.” Strong setup, terrible pay off. “Twists and turns”? No.

I see this all the time – phrases that imply action or plot without actually revealing what the plot is. Phrases like these are placeholders for your actual story, and they all need to be taken out and replaced with the details of your plot.

Some examples of placeholder words and phrases include “society,” “raising the stakes,” “a series of events,” “complications,” “the catalyst,” “the plot thickens.” These are pretty extreme examples, but placeholders can take a lot of different forms. Check your logline for any words or phrases that are standing in for the actual details of your script.

5. Typos and grammatical mistakes.

This one should be a no-brainer, but you’d be amazed how many loglines I’ve read with at least one mistake. There’s no excuse for typos. None at all. Grammar issues can be a matter of style, so I give a little more leeway there, but not much.

Commas have rules. You can’t just place them wherever you feel like it. Yes, there are some situations where you have a choice on your comma usage, such as the Oxford comma or when deciding between a comma and a dash. But for the most part, you need to know and follow the rules. Here’s a good overview of when and how to use commas. (Ok, I’m done with my comma rant. I promise.)

It’s also important to make the structure of your logline as easy to read as possible. Your logline is a good time to emulate Hemingway, not Faulkner. If your reader has to go back and reread your logline a few times to make sure they’re reading it correctly, you’re in trouble.

6. Loglines that are more than one sentence long.

In 99.5% of cases, your logline should be one sentence and one sentence only. I’m willing to concede that there may be a rare circumstance in which a script concept is complicated enough to merit two sentences, but the vast majority of the time, your logline should only be one sentence.

If your logline doesn’t fit in one sentence, that means it isn’t high concept. Of course, there are some great movies out there that aren’t high concept, but if you’re an aspiring writer trying to sell a script, you’re only going to make the challenge ahead of you that much harder if your script isn’t high concept.